We spend the majority of our days with our coworkers, connecting with them through conversations about their families, pets, favorite restaurants and home improvement projects. When a coworker chooses to make a diagnosis public, some coworkers may feel too shy to mention it, afraid they may say the wrong thing. Others may feel that avoiding the topic would be just as inappropriate, diminishing the impact an illness has on a person’s life.
The truth is, there is no rulebook for how to speak to a cancer patient who is going through one of the toughest seasons in their life. The National Breast Cancer Foundation’s (NBCF) eBook includes suggestions that encourage healthy conversations between cancer patients and the people that care for them most.
Below are some highlights from the eBook, which emphasizes empathy and compassion and outlines the Dos and Don’ts of talking with a breast cancer patient. For more in-depth explanations, read the full eBook by the NBCF.
Empathy
You may not know what the patient is experiencing or how they feel but strive to have empathy. Try to understand, be aware of, and be sensitive to what the patient shares. Only use supportive words and keep the focus on the patient. Follow through with what you say you’re going to do and help however you can.
Compassion
Imagine if you were in the patient’s shoes. How would you want to be treated? What would bother you? What would brighten your day? Be kind, caring, hospitable, generous and lead with your heart.
The Golden Rule
The patient is still your friend, family, neighbor or coworker. Their world might be turned upside down, but they’re still the same person. They know you and will know if you’re uncomfortable or uneasy. Try to act as normal as possible, while remaining sensitive to their situation.
Ask yourself, “Would I want someone to say this to me?”
The Dos and Don’ts
DON’T assume they want to share their cancer journey or keep it private. DO follow their lead.
DON’T ask about their prognosis. DO say “I’m here for you no matter what happens.”
DON’T say “At least you get a lot of time off work.” DO offer to start a meal train or GoFundMe page.
DON’T comment on their appearance. DO say “I’m so happy to see you today!”
DON’T put pressure on them. DO cut them slack.
DON’T say “My aunt had breast cancer and died a few years ago.” DO say “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
DON’T say “Let me know how I can help.” DO say “What day can I bring you dinner?”
DON’T say “Are you going to have children after this?” DO show them you care.
DON’T try to “fix” things. DO be realistic & listen.
DON’T judge the patient’s lifestyle choices or assume they are to blame for the disease. DO say “Are you up for doing something fun?”
DON’T offer information about holistic treatment options. DO offer to be a “chemo buddy”.
DON’T talk about your bad day. DO keep it all about them.
DON’T make comments regarding “free” plastic surgery. DO offer to start a fundraiser in their honor.